mikeShriver

I seem to be perpetually short on cash when I travel. Poor planning and difficulty with the math of currency exchange usually leave me with fewer rupees, dirhams, pesos and etc. than I need.

The ATMs in Colombia are freezing cold, especially compared to the tropical heat outside. They are like single-occupancy pods of A/C. Stepping into one feels like stepping into a walk-in refrigerator. I sampled many of them in my short time in that country, due to the trial-and-error inconsistency of a my debit card. Anyone who has travelled with me could probably tell you a story about my money problems on foreign soil.

On one occasion toward the end of my stay with Torin, we caught motos into town to pick up some supplies and get me a little cash for dinners and the trip home. I latched myself into the tiny environmentally controlled pod and began to push buttons at random on the kiosk. Almost as soon as Torin and I stepped into the box, a man came up outside the glass window and wordlessly began staring at us. His eyes were enormous, and I don’t think he blinked once during this entire episode.

With him standing out there, and my inability to figure out how to make the machine spit out currency, I pretty quickly decided against the original plan, and packed my wallet deep into my bag and exited the cash-pod.

As soon as we exited the ATM, the man, still silent and with no emotion on his face, outstretched his hand in my direction. It made me pretty uncomfortable to have his attention focused on me like that. Torin looked at me with a look in his face that said ‘I have no idea what this person wants’ and gave out a little laugh that revealed he was as uncomfortable as I was. We made our way pretty quickly to the nearest main road, where we could find some transportation. The man followed close behind us, hand outstretched, eyes wide, the whole time.

Transportation is simple to come buy in most every place I visited. You simply have to choose a motorcycle, and climb onto the back of it. We jumped onto the two closest motos and spit out the usual: ‘Mampujan.,’ and off we were, on our way out of the town. The man stood on the corner we had just departed, and continued to stare at us with his hand outstretched. Torin and I exchanged looks from out motos and watched him as we rode away.

He wasn’t left completely empty-handed. As we rode off, someone thoughtfully deposited an empty paper cup into our friend’s outstretched hand.

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Several months ago, Costco had an amazing sale on HP all-in-one printers. That week, the helpdesk that I work at got hundreds of calls from users asking us to install the drivers for these devices. The device comes with a factory supplied CD-ROM that includes drivers for the printer. It also comes with about 200 MB of additional software: Imaging software, the HP ‘Solution Center,’ something called WebClips, and about eight other programs. I have never seen any of these programs used, and in fact, I couldn’t even begin to guess at the functionality that these applications are supposed to add.

Installing the drivers from the CD is a process that should be simple, and take 15 minutes at most. HP’s installer, though, automatically attempts to install all 200 MB of software that is included on the CD, dragging the process out to 45 minutes or an hour. It is enormously frustrating for an analyst who is measured by call handle times to have to sit and babysit this process. The easy solution is to plug the printer into the machine, turn it on and let Windows automatically install the driver for the printer, then take HP’s CD and place it in the microwave. This process is easy, and takes about 5-15 minutes, depending on how long you spend in a vengeful rage watching the CD meet it’s deserved fate. This will work 100% of the time, and results in a far more stable working printer.

I suppose that it is in the interest of self-preservation, then, that the CD has a large, and very scary looking warning printed directly on it outlining this exact process, and admonishing the user against this course of action:

Caution! The printer’s USB cable must be unplugged before proceeding!
Do not plug USB cable in until instructed to do so by the installation software!

I can only conclude that this is a deliberate gesture of belligerence on HP’s part. I can’t fathom how any company’s QA department could let software this poorly written get into the world is beyond me. I can’t even figure out why HP would have taken the extra effort to write and bundle this software, since it doesn’t seem to add any useful functionality.

The propagation of intentionally deceitful information to get a user to install software they otherwise wouldn’t is a defining characteristic of malware. In this case, the software (hopefully) unintentionally exhibits another characteristic of malware, the disruption of compter function.Any hardware that comes intentionally bundled with such destructive software, is not hardware I am going to recommend to anyone whose computer I am likely to end up supporting, and certainly not hardware I am going to purchase myself, even if there is a great deal on it at Costco.

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One of my favorite things is going to a used bookstore and finding the personal notes left behind in the front covers of my most loved books. Tonight I found this inscription in the front cover of a copy of Vineland, by Thomas Pynchon:

Rachel– after you read this book all things will become clear and understandable– we are all of us in Vineland! -Jose

I found this gem at Mercer Street Books in lower Queen Anne. Left inside this book was a photograph of a hillside very similar to the one on the cover. I liked the copy enough to buy it, and will probably tear into it a third time, soon. So far, each time I have purchased this book, I read it once and left it somewhere for someone else to find, and (hopefully) enjoy.

Tags: favorite things, pynchon, used books, vineland.